Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you would pick up someone in the library
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
