She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
