Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
