I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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