dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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