you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
