just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
