meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
