your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
