John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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