pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
