you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
