I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
