i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
