Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
