i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
