My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
