i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
