Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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