i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
