dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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