is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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