hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The air was thick with penises
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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