i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it's like heaven, but drunker
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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