Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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