I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think I sprained my soul last night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
