This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
