btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
