Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
