OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
