I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i was born a porn star she said
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
