it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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