my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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