Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My penis needs a shock collar
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
