I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
