So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
