so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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