i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
