So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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