I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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