Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
