I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
