I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
