haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
