Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
