were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
