I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
