i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
