Michael Bay diarrhea
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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