**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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