Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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